Well, it's Sunday. Been busting ass trying to get the house straightened up a bit and finish painting Andrew's room. I've been a bit down lately, work has been more annoying than usual. It is really hard to be calm and polite to a "customer" who is calling you a racist because you ask for I.D. for beer or won't sell him beer after 2 a.m. I have lost count on how many times I've been threatened over the last few months. Hell, one of our cashiers was attacked in August!!! I do carry police issue pepper spray, but I am beginning to feel that if "it" ever hits the fan, it may not be enough. 
My boss doesn't want me to carry a Taser( m18, x26c, c2. look it up)because if I use it on someone, and they fall and get hurt, they might sue the store. W.T.F over!!!!! If I feel my life is in danger, I won't take the time to use pepper spray, hope to get him in the eyes, hope it works and try to run. I'll feel better if I put two taser darts in him and watch him flop around for 15 seconds. I've been shot with one of these things when I got my certification, trust me, you don't want to fight afterwards. I have made a substantial investment in these items over the last couple years, as I have lost my right to carry firearms because of a mistake I made some time ago with my first wife.
I really miss being able to play paintball, haven't had the time or too much motivation lately. It's a great way to release some frustration, and there's a paintball field 10 minutes from my house!! I guess I just feel guilty if I go spend a day out there pretending to be something I haven't been in 20 years instead of spending the day with my family.
Hell, it's even hard to get to my den and work on some magic, I get down there and something happens and I have to stop what I'm doing midway though a routine. I have a show for the Shriners coming up!! No clues as to what I'm going to do on that one.
It's going to be a rough few weeks with the holidays coming up, being away from my two oldest kids, Margaret and Nicholas is hard. I'm supposed to have them over for a visit at least once a month and a couple weeks for the summer, but the visits are becoming fewer and fewer as are the calls, unless they want something, that is. I still miss them though, I missed pretty much the last 7 years of their lives, Holidays, birthdays, events at school, ect... Part may be that my daughter hates my wife Darlene, Margaret still believes that if Darlene wasn't around, that her mother and I would get back together. My ex-wife Cathy and I have tried that more than once for the kids sake, and it has always ended BAD. The last time I was off my medication and snapped, she hasn't spoken to me since, and I don't blame her. It could be worse, I have a friend who hasn't seen or heard from his kids in years.
I have a wonderful wife, a great son, going to counceling from time to time and I taking the proper medication as I have a Bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety problems. My life is better in a lot of ways, but sometimes I wonder if it was worth the cost.
1 comment:
You are worth it, John. Don't ever forget that.
(Rob speaking)...Anybody who can make foot long dildos appear from behind a hot chicks ear is worth having around. Sorry you don't get to play paintball as much as you would like.
Andrew is growing like a weed. We sure miss you guys.
With the older brats :) take it in stride. A lot of it is age. It's easier for Margaret to take things out on Darlene. We have some of the same issues with our youngster. They just have to grow up and learn for themselves. Shine a different light!!!!
Congrats on your Shriner's show. It would be cool if you could record it and mail it to your best friends in the whole wide world. I know...who??!! Haha.
We love you Darlene!! Have some wine and smack John's butt when he starts talking silly.
Love ya'll.
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